Post by Jesse80 on Jul 10, 2003 11:56:49 GMT -5
Title: For you to notice
Author: Jessica
Email: j_rothen@yahoo.se
Website: www.geocities.com/jlovesxfiles
Distribution: Wherever...just let me know where
Spoilers: Haunted leg
Category: Romance, angst, V
Rating: PG
Feedback: YES please....j_rothen@yahoo.se
Pairing: Rory/Jess
Disclaimer:I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS.
Summary: Jess's reaction to the scene in the store.
AUTHORS NOTE: English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar
mistakes may occur.
**********************
"Were you to cross the world, my dear,
To work or love or fight,
I could be calm and wistful here,
And close my eyes at night.
It were a sweet and gallant pain
To be a sea apart;
But, oh, to have you down the lane
Is bitter to my heart."
(Poem called "Distance" by: Dorothy Parker )
************************
For you to notice (1/1)
by: Jessica
*********************
It wasn't like I followed her.
It just kind of happened.
She had changed.
Her hair was longer.
The sun had painted her skin in darker colours.
She looked lovely.
Beautiful, almost.
I hadn't missed her.
I had worked all summer.
Convinced that I could driver her out of my heart.
As I stood there in the middle of the store, talking to her again,
I knew the truth.
I had failed.
All I wanted was to touch her.
"How was Washington?"
She had been miles away.
So far away.
She had run away from me.
I hadn't talked to her since.
The kiss.
How cruel.
She gave me heaven.
Only to take it back again.
"Fine."
We talked.
Her eyes seemed to be on fire.
I hadn't forgot about those eyes.
The magic they seemed to hold.
"Her name is Shane."
I had seen it coming miles away.
I had seen her watching me.
Or was it just in my head?
"Well, great. That's great. Really, it's great."
Her voice is sharp.
Not like her.
And I know.
I can see it in her eyes.
She hides it well though.
Jealousy.
Or was it just my mind playing tricks on me?
Was this just I hoping?
"Are you upset about something?"
No, was the answer.
She is standing in front of me, trying to hide from me.
"It just surprised me, that's all."
Hope.
Hope keeps eating at my soul.
That maybe she will see me.
Notice me.
"Why?"
"Because."
"Because, why?"
I move closer to her.
Just a little.
But enough to pick up the slightest whiff of her shampoo.
Honey.
My mind is blurry as our eyes meet.
I want to touch her.
Every part of me is screaming to touch her.
But I fear that she will run from me.
So I keep my hands at my side.
"Because of what happened at Sookie's wedding."
Memories.
Memories come back and hit me right in the chest.
I hadn't forgotten.
How could I?
The feel of her lips against mine.
The soft her skin felt against my hand.
How she tasted.
I almost crumble.
God, this must be hell.
"Ah."
"Yeah, so me coming back here and just seeing you with Shane
just kind of threw me for a sec."
Anger fills me.
Anger that I can't have her.
Anger at the truth.
At the voices that scream in my ear.
<SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU!>
"I'm sorry, did I hear from you at all this summer?
Did I just happen to miss the thousands of phone calls you made to me,
or did the postman happen to lose all those letters you wrote to me?
You kiss me, you tell me not to say anything. . .very flattering,
by the way. You go off to Washington. . . then nothing.
Then you come back here all put out because I didn't just sit around
and wait for you like Dean would've done? And yeah, what about Dean?
Are you still with him? 'Cause last time I checked, you were, and I
haven't heard anything to the contrary. Plus, the two of you walking
around the other day like some damn Andy Hardy movie. Seemed to me
like you're still pretty together.
I half expected you to break into a barn and put on a show."
Memories again.
Pain.
How could she be so cruel?
What did she expect?
That I was made of steal.
That I didn't feel.
How could she do this to me?
<SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU!!!!>
Why can't I just let go?
Everything would be so easy then.
Let her go.
She will never be mine.
So why can't I just let go?
"When did you see me with Dean? "
I move towards her.
She backs away.
It would be so easy to reach out and touch her.
Taste her.
Just a little.
I can still taste her on my lips.
It's amazing.
Months have passed and I can still taste her.
She is haunting me.
I never knew she had so much power over me.
I thought I was stronger than that.
I guess I was wrong.
"At that stupid summer insanity plea the town put on."
She had ripped out my heart that day.
Maybe it happened before.
When she ran away from me at Sookie's wedding.
When she told me to tell me no one.
She wanted me to be silence.
I wanted to shout it from the rooftops.
Silence.
Ashamed.
<SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU!>
Let go.
Just let go.
"Oh, I'm surprised you could see anything with Shane's head
plastered to your face."
Jealousy?
<STOP FOOLING YOURSELF!>
"You didn't answer me."
"About what?"
"Did you call me at all?"
"No."
Pain.
"Did you send me a letter?"
"No"
Pain.
"Postcard?"
"No."
Pain.
"Smoke signal?"
"A nice fruit basket?"
No.
No.
NO!
"Enough!"
"Are you still with Dean? Come on, Rory, yes or no -
are you still with Dean?"
I stand there before her with a heart crying out to her.
Praying.
"Yes, I'm still with Dean, yes!"
And I fall.
How easily I fall.
How fast a heart can break.
I wonder if she can see it.
Anger.
Again.
Anger towards her.
Cruel.
For causing me this pain.
"Glad to hear it!"
"Glad to tell it!"
"See you around."
"Whatever."
"Right back at ya."
Then she leaves.
She doesn't even look back.
She leaves me there in the middle of the store.
I'm standing there with a bleeding heart.
And inside of me a voice is crying out:
<COME BACK! COME BACK! LOVE ME! LOVE ME!>
I linger there for a while.
Picking up the pieces of a broken heart.
Then I leave.
To go back to the one I cling to.
Author: Jessica
Email: j_rothen@yahoo.se
Website: www.geocities.com/jlovesxfiles
Distribution: Wherever...just let me know where
Spoilers: Haunted leg
Category: Romance, angst, V
Rating: PG
Feedback: YES please....j_rothen@yahoo.se
Pairing: Rory/Jess
Disclaimer:I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS.
Summary: Jess's reaction to the scene in the store.
AUTHORS NOTE: English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar
mistakes may occur.
**********************
"Were you to cross the world, my dear,
To work or love or fight,
I could be calm and wistful here,
And close my eyes at night.
It were a sweet and gallant pain
To be a sea apart;
But, oh, to have you down the lane
Is bitter to my heart."
(Poem called "Distance" by: Dorothy Parker )
************************
For you to notice (1/1)
by: Jessica
*********************
It wasn't like I followed her.
It just kind of happened.
She had changed.
Her hair was longer.
The sun had painted her skin in darker colours.
She looked lovely.
Beautiful, almost.
I hadn't missed her.
I had worked all summer.
Convinced that I could driver her out of my heart.
As I stood there in the middle of the store, talking to her again,
I knew the truth.
I had failed.
All I wanted was to touch her.
"How was Washington?"
She had been miles away.
So far away.
She had run away from me.
I hadn't talked to her since.
The kiss.
How cruel.
She gave me heaven.
Only to take it back again.
"Fine."
We talked.
Her eyes seemed to be on fire.
I hadn't forgot about those eyes.
The magic they seemed to hold.
"Her name is Shane."
I had seen it coming miles away.
I had seen her watching me.
Or was it just in my head?
"Well, great. That's great. Really, it's great."
Her voice is sharp.
Not like her.
And I know.
I can see it in her eyes.
She hides it well though.
Jealousy.
Or was it just my mind playing tricks on me?
Was this just I hoping?
"Are you upset about something?"
No, was the answer.
She is standing in front of me, trying to hide from me.
"It just surprised me, that's all."
Hope.
Hope keeps eating at my soul.
That maybe she will see me.
Notice me.
"Why?"
"Because."
"Because, why?"
I move closer to her.
Just a little.
But enough to pick up the slightest whiff of her shampoo.
Honey.
My mind is blurry as our eyes meet.
I want to touch her.
Every part of me is screaming to touch her.
But I fear that she will run from me.
So I keep my hands at my side.
"Because of what happened at Sookie's wedding."
Memories.
Memories come back and hit me right in the chest.
I hadn't forgotten.
How could I?
The feel of her lips against mine.
The soft her skin felt against my hand.
How she tasted.
I almost crumble.
God, this must be hell.
"Ah."
"Yeah, so me coming back here and just seeing you with Shane
just kind of threw me for a sec."
Anger fills me.
Anger that I can't have her.
Anger at the truth.
At the voices that scream in my ear.
<SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU!>
"I'm sorry, did I hear from you at all this summer?
Did I just happen to miss the thousands of phone calls you made to me,
or did the postman happen to lose all those letters you wrote to me?
You kiss me, you tell me not to say anything. . .very flattering,
by the way. You go off to Washington. . . then nothing.
Then you come back here all put out because I didn't just sit around
and wait for you like Dean would've done? And yeah, what about Dean?
Are you still with him? 'Cause last time I checked, you were, and I
haven't heard anything to the contrary. Plus, the two of you walking
around the other day like some damn Andy Hardy movie. Seemed to me
like you're still pretty together.
I half expected you to break into a barn and put on a show."
Memories again.
Pain.
How could she be so cruel?
What did she expect?
That I was made of steal.
That I didn't feel.
How could she do this to me?
<SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU!!!!>
Why can't I just let go?
Everything would be so easy then.
Let her go.
She will never be mine.
So why can't I just let go?
"When did you see me with Dean? "
I move towards her.
She backs away.
It would be so easy to reach out and touch her.
Taste her.
Just a little.
I can still taste her on my lips.
It's amazing.
Months have passed and I can still taste her.
She is haunting me.
I never knew she had so much power over me.
I thought I was stronger than that.
I guess I was wrong.
"At that stupid summer insanity plea the town put on."
She had ripped out my heart that day.
Maybe it happened before.
When she ran away from me at Sookie's wedding.
When she told me to tell me no one.
She wanted me to be silence.
I wanted to shout it from the rooftops.
Silence.
Ashamed.
<SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU!>
Let go.
Just let go.
"Oh, I'm surprised you could see anything with Shane's head
plastered to your face."
Jealousy?
<STOP FOOLING YOURSELF!>
"You didn't answer me."
"About what?"
"Did you call me at all?"
"No."
Pain.
"Did you send me a letter?"
"No"
Pain.
"Postcard?"
"No."
Pain.
"Smoke signal?"
"A nice fruit basket?"
No.
No.
NO!
"Enough!"
"Are you still with Dean? Come on, Rory, yes or no -
are you still with Dean?"
I stand there before her with a heart crying out to her.
Praying.
"Yes, I'm still with Dean, yes!"
And I fall.
How easily I fall.
How fast a heart can break.
I wonder if she can see it.
Anger.
Again.
Anger towards her.
Cruel.
For causing me this pain.
"Glad to hear it!"
"Glad to tell it!"
"See you around."
"Whatever."
"Right back at ya."
Then she leaves.
She doesn't even look back.
She leaves me there in the middle of the store.
I'm standing there with a bleeding heart.
And inside of me a voice is crying out:
<COME BACK! COME BACK! LOVE ME! LOVE ME!>
I linger there for a while.
Picking up the pieces of a broken heart.
Then I leave.
To go back to the one I cling to.
