Post by Jesse80 on Sept 7, 2003 5:57:21 GMT -5
Title: The fall of a sparrow
Author: Jessica
Email: j_rothen@yahoo.se
Distribution: Wherever...just let me know where
Spoilers: None
Rating: PG
Category: Romance, AU, angst, V
Feedback: YES please....j_rothen@yahoo.se
Pairing: Rory/Jess,Rory/Other
Disclaimer:I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS.
Summary: As Rory finally gets her life on track he returns...
AUTHORS NOTE: English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar
mistakes may occur.
--------------------------------------------
The fall of a sparrow
by: Jessica
_______________________________
I never saw her coming.
You might have seen it coming.
But I never did.
As I walked into that house that night I never knew that
it was just the beginning.
Looking back now I can't help but smile.
I was so proud then.
Acting stupid.
My first reaction when I met her was the reaction I always
have had when it comes to girls: the need to impress them.
To dazzle them with my witty mouth.
With my "bad boy act".
That's always been my identity.
I've always been the black sheep.
And I accepted that.
But she was the only one that made me want to be someone else.
She made me want to let go of the one I had become and
reach for the man I wanted to be.
And I'm grateful for that.
The rains smashing against the thin roof of the bus calms me.
I lean my forehead against the cold window and peek out into the
dark night that surrounds us.
I had drunk too much coffee so I doubt that I will sleep tonight.
But I don't mind.
I never sleep much these days.
I reach inside of my jacket pocket take out the picture that
I have kept with me on my travels across this country.
It's torn and faded.
Taken long ago.
She's sitting on the bridge.
Our bridge.
The sun is setting behind her and she shines like gold.
And she graces the picture with a beautiful smile.
My hands tremble as I ran my finger across her lovely face.
Rory.
I remember that day like it was yesterday.
Not seven years ago.
I remember everything.
The feel of her hand in mine.
Her laughter.
The smell of her hair when I held her close.
Her lips against mine.
And the sweet sensation that followed as I let myself drown in her.
That was the closest to heaven I will ever come.
I fold the picture carefully and put it back in the safety of my
jacket pocket.
She has been on my mind a lot lately.
There was a time when her face seemed to haunt me.
I saw her everywhere.
In the crowds on the street.
When I read.
Even in my sleep.
And that scared me.
It almost broke me.
I thought if I ran as far away as possible, then maybe
I could forget her.
I thought time and distance could erase her from my heart.
And for a while I thought it did.
I pushed all my memories back, far back into a corner of my heart
and kept them under lock and key.
I convinced myself that I needed to forget and move on.
And I did.
Her name was Emma.
She had wonderful golden hair.
And green eyes.
But it was her smile I fell for.
And the way she seemed to see me.
She really saw me.
She saw through my grand facade and she wasn't
scared away by the sight of the real me.
We met in some bar.
She had gone there to drown her sorrows after her first
manuscript got rejected by some fancy publishing house.
I was there to drink the night away.
We found each other there.
And we spend a night under the stars, talking and laughing.
After that we were inseparable.
We wallowed in our anger with the world.
But eventually we found something else.
And I found a love that I so much needed.
I drank her love, believing it could make me stronger.
That it could guide me.
I used to lay awake at night, clinging to her sleeping body,
praying to a higher power to let my heart love her.
And believe me I tried to love her.
And in a way I did.
But not as much as she deserved.
And eventually she saw that and the facade came crashing down.
She stood in front of me asking me to tell her the truth.
The truth that surely would break her heart.
But I never had to speak.
She could read the truth in my eyes.
And a heart was broken into millions of pieces.
She moved out the next day.
It took six months to get back on track.
I drifted around.
Being nobody.
Just a ghost.
I thought about returning to Jimmy but I doubted that
I would be welcome now that they had a baby to think about.
So I drifted around.
Trying to find somewhere to belong.
Trying to find myself along the way.
On the evening of my twenty-second birthday I met the man
that would save me from myself.
My wanders had brought me to Chicago.
I had spend a night drifting in and out of the clubs and bars
that lit up downtown Chicago during the night.
Trying to steady my heart.
In need of human contact.
Somewhere along the way I came across the man that I owe everything.
His name was John McCain.
He was a big man that demanded respect just by his presence.
He had the look of bulldog.
He was almost completely bald and he was in desperate need of losing
weight.
We found each other there, in a dark, smoky bar.
John McCain was the editor and chief of a small independent
paper.
The paper had three journalists on their payroll but he
was always open for new blood.
I don't know what we talked about that night.
But somehow I walked out of that bar with a phone number
in my hand and promise of a job.
The next day I ended up in a small office that smelled off
coffee.
And that was the start of my road to happiness if you want to call
it that.
Three years had passed since I stepped into the office of
"The Independence".
I know that I have been lucky and I thank God for what I have.
How I ended up here on this bus is another story.
A story I fear telling you.
You know what I have done in the past.
You know everything about me so I fear that you will judge me
if I tell you now where I'm going and why.
I fear that you won't believe that my intention is pure.
But they are.
The choice wasn't made suddenly.
It was made carefully.
I spend a lot of nights going over every aspect.
But I need this.
I know that now.
Have you heard about those people that walk through life feeling
incomplete?
I never understood that.
I used to laugh at that.
Thinking that they must be fools.
But I do understand now.
I can see clearly now.
Maybe this is the wrong path to go down.
But it's a path I have to walk down.
Otherwise I will never know.
Don't judge me for what I'm about to do.
All I'm doing to get back to being whole again.
To try to win her heart.
To win Rory.
I know I have no right to do that after all I have done.
Maybe she will refuse to see me.
But I at least have to try.
Maybe she will find it in her heart to forgive me for all
the pain that I have caused her in the past.
And maybe, just maybe, I can win her heart somewhere along the way.
That's what I'm praying for.
So please, say a prayer for me tonight.
And maybe then magic can happen.
I lean my head back against the seat and close my eyes.
-----------------------------
Feedback j_rothen@yahoo.se
Part two is called "Learning to live again"
can be found here www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1482707&chapter=2
Part three is called "Save yourself"
www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1482707&chapter=3
Part four is called "You'll get through this"
www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1482707&chapter=4
Author: Jessica
Email: j_rothen@yahoo.se
Distribution: Wherever...just let me know where
Spoilers: None
Rating: PG
Category: Romance, AU, angst, V
Feedback: YES please....j_rothen@yahoo.se
Pairing: Rory/Jess,Rory/Other
Disclaimer:I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS.
Summary: As Rory finally gets her life on track he returns...
AUTHORS NOTE: English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar
mistakes may occur.
--------------------------------------------
The fall of a sparrow
by: Jessica
_______________________________
I never saw her coming.
You might have seen it coming.
But I never did.
As I walked into that house that night I never knew that
it was just the beginning.
Looking back now I can't help but smile.
I was so proud then.
Acting stupid.
My first reaction when I met her was the reaction I always
have had when it comes to girls: the need to impress them.
To dazzle them with my witty mouth.
With my "bad boy act".
That's always been my identity.
I've always been the black sheep.
And I accepted that.
But she was the only one that made me want to be someone else.
She made me want to let go of the one I had become and
reach for the man I wanted to be.
And I'm grateful for that.
The rains smashing against the thin roof of the bus calms me.
I lean my forehead against the cold window and peek out into the
dark night that surrounds us.
I had drunk too much coffee so I doubt that I will sleep tonight.
But I don't mind.
I never sleep much these days.
I reach inside of my jacket pocket take out the picture that
I have kept with me on my travels across this country.
It's torn and faded.
Taken long ago.
She's sitting on the bridge.
Our bridge.
The sun is setting behind her and she shines like gold.
And she graces the picture with a beautiful smile.
My hands tremble as I ran my finger across her lovely face.
Rory.
I remember that day like it was yesterday.
Not seven years ago.
I remember everything.
The feel of her hand in mine.
Her laughter.
The smell of her hair when I held her close.
Her lips against mine.
And the sweet sensation that followed as I let myself drown in her.
That was the closest to heaven I will ever come.
I fold the picture carefully and put it back in the safety of my
jacket pocket.
She has been on my mind a lot lately.
There was a time when her face seemed to haunt me.
I saw her everywhere.
In the crowds on the street.
When I read.
Even in my sleep.
And that scared me.
It almost broke me.
I thought if I ran as far away as possible, then maybe
I could forget her.
I thought time and distance could erase her from my heart.
And for a while I thought it did.
I pushed all my memories back, far back into a corner of my heart
and kept them under lock and key.
I convinced myself that I needed to forget and move on.
And I did.
Her name was Emma.
She had wonderful golden hair.
And green eyes.
But it was her smile I fell for.
And the way she seemed to see me.
She really saw me.
She saw through my grand facade and she wasn't
scared away by the sight of the real me.
We met in some bar.
She had gone there to drown her sorrows after her first
manuscript got rejected by some fancy publishing house.
I was there to drink the night away.
We found each other there.
And we spend a night under the stars, talking and laughing.
After that we were inseparable.
We wallowed in our anger with the world.
But eventually we found something else.
And I found a love that I so much needed.
I drank her love, believing it could make me stronger.
That it could guide me.
I used to lay awake at night, clinging to her sleeping body,
praying to a higher power to let my heart love her.
And believe me I tried to love her.
And in a way I did.
But not as much as she deserved.
And eventually she saw that and the facade came crashing down.
She stood in front of me asking me to tell her the truth.
The truth that surely would break her heart.
But I never had to speak.
She could read the truth in my eyes.
And a heart was broken into millions of pieces.
She moved out the next day.
It took six months to get back on track.
I drifted around.
Being nobody.
Just a ghost.
I thought about returning to Jimmy but I doubted that
I would be welcome now that they had a baby to think about.
So I drifted around.
Trying to find somewhere to belong.
Trying to find myself along the way.
On the evening of my twenty-second birthday I met the man
that would save me from myself.
My wanders had brought me to Chicago.
I had spend a night drifting in and out of the clubs and bars
that lit up downtown Chicago during the night.
Trying to steady my heart.
In need of human contact.
Somewhere along the way I came across the man that I owe everything.
His name was John McCain.
He was a big man that demanded respect just by his presence.
He had the look of bulldog.
He was almost completely bald and he was in desperate need of losing
weight.
We found each other there, in a dark, smoky bar.
John McCain was the editor and chief of a small independent
paper.
The paper had three journalists on their payroll but he
was always open for new blood.
I don't know what we talked about that night.
But somehow I walked out of that bar with a phone number
in my hand and promise of a job.
The next day I ended up in a small office that smelled off
coffee.
And that was the start of my road to happiness if you want to call
it that.
Three years had passed since I stepped into the office of
"The Independence".
I know that I have been lucky and I thank God for what I have.
How I ended up here on this bus is another story.
A story I fear telling you.
You know what I have done in the past.
You know everything about me so I fear that you will judge me
if I tell you now where I'm going and why.
I fear that you won't believe that my intention is pure.
But they are.
The choice wasn't made suddenly.
It was made carefully.
I spend a lot of nights going over every aspect.
But I need this.
I know that now.
Have you heard about those people that walk through life feeling
incomplete?
I never understood that.
I used to laugh at that.
Thinking that they must be fools.
But I do understand now.
I can see clearly now.
Maybe this is the wrong path to go down.
But it's a path I have to walk down.
Otherwise I will never know.
Don't judge me for what I'm about to do.
All I'm doing to get back to being whole again.
To try to win her heart.
To win Rory.
I know I have no right to do that after all I have done.
Maybe she will refuse to see me.
But I at least have to try.
Maybe she will find it in her heart to forgive me for all
the pain that I have caused her in the past.
And maybe, just maybe, I can win her heart somewhere along the way.
That's what I'm praying for.
So please, say a prayer for me tonight.
And maybe then magic can happen.
I lean my head back against the seat and close my eyes.
-----------------------------
Feedback j_rothen@yahoo.se
Part two is called "Learning to live again"
can be found here www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1482707&chapter=2
Part three is called "Save yourself"
www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1482707&chapter=3
Part four is called "You'll get through this"
www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1482707&chapter=4