Over Time Updated 4/18 [4/?]

[Angeleyez]

Title: Over Time

Author: Angeleyez

Rating: PG: 13

Disclaimer: Don’t own Gilmore Girls. Don’t sue. I’m poor. (I also don’t own Evanescence or any of their songs, what a shocker.)

Summary: Jess and Rory were together until a car accident took Jess away from her. He’s in a coma and she’s trying to move on with her life. Five years later, Rory’s finally moving on with someone else when she gets word that Jess is awake.

A/N: Hey, it’s me. What do you know? Another story. Heh. About Last Night is going on temporary hold due to some writer’s block. Here’s a different one for your reading pleasure. Well, review and let me know what you think.

Chapter One: The Final Stage


*These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase*


“I hate this place,” Rory said.

“Then why don’t you leave?” Jess asked.

“I don’t want to. Not yet.”

“Then stop complaining.”

Rory opened her mouth to say something else but then closed it. No need to start a fight. She really did hate this place though. Everything was white. The color and brightness was supposed to distract people from the pain and death. It wasn’t working. There was a strong smell of antiseptic too and it was giving her a headache.

“I graduated yesterday,” she blurted out.

“Really?”

“Yup. I’m a Harvard graduate.”

“I’m so proud.”

“And I’m moving to New York City. I have an apartment all picked out.”

“Already?” He asked.

“I have been looking for awhile.”

“So the small town girl is going off to the big city?”

“Don’t make fun of me.”

“I’m not.”

“Yes you are and you shouldn’t because…I’m kind of scared,” Rory admitted.

“Oh, come on. You’ve been living in Boston for the past four years.”

“But I was at a dorm with other people. I had a roommate.”

“Ah, Jane. The one who talked to herself when she thought no one was around.”

Rory shifted uncomfortably. “Don’t talk about people who talk to themselves.”

“Sorry.” He paused. “You’ll be fine in New York. I lived there after all and look how I turned out.”

“Oh, god.”

“I’m kidding.”

“You claim to be kidding. But really New York is going to turn me into some lawn gnome stealing, Hemingway loving criminal.”

“Now who’s making fun of who?” He asked.

She grinned. “I’m not making fun.”

He was silent for a second. “Don’t worry, Ror. You’re going to be just fine in New York. You’ll love it.” He paused. “You’re gonna make it after all.”

“Oh, God. Now I’m Mary Tyler Moore.”

“I wouldn’t recommend spinning around on a sidewalk and throwing your hat up in the air.”

Rory laughed. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“You shouldn’t be nervous anyway. You have Sam, right?”

Rory froze at the name. Her voice was soft, “Yeah. He’ll be there too.”

“It’s okay, you know. I’m not angry.”

“But you should be. I’m sorry.”

“Ror, don’t apologize. I’m glad you’re with Sam. You’ll be happier with him.”

“He told me he loved me,” she whispered.

“Do you love him too?”

“It’s funny. His eyes are brown like yours. I’m beginning to forget what your eyes look like.”

“Ror?”

She sighed. “I told him I loved him too.”

“That doesn’t answer the question.”

“I do. I think I do.”

“You have to stop feeling so guilty. It’s okay to love someone else.”

Rory didn’t want to have this conversation anymore so she changed the subject. “You know, you’re not so monosyllabic anymore.”

“Well, we only have you to blame for that.”

“True. But I like it when you talk more. I like the sound of your voice.” Her voice cracked. “I miss the sound of your voice. I miss kissing you.”

“Kiss me if you want. No one’s stopping you.”

“It’s not the same.”

“I know.”

The chair she was sitting in began to feel uncomfortable. They really should put cushions in these chairs. People sometimes sat here for hours and with the emotional roller coaster they were sure to be going through, they should at least have comfortable seats. She stood up and moved closer to the bed. “I think I should go.”

“Why did you come today?” He asked.

She stared down at his closed eyes. It looked like he was sleeping. “I always come to visit you.”

“Not in the past year you haven’t.” He wasn’t being judgmental or mean. He was only stating a fact.

“I’m sorry about that. I was busy with school. It was my last year.”

“You’re not going to be coming around anymore, huh?”

“Yes, I will. Well, I’ll try. I’ll be starting a job soon.” She paused to swallow her tears. “I’m sorry. But you couldn’t understand how hard it is to see you like this.”

“Of course I understand, Ror. I am a part of you after all.”

“I forget that sometimes. That must be a sign of me losing my mind.”

“You know I’m not real. You’re not completely crazy.”

“I’m semi-crazy? So when they put me in the mental ward, only half of the room will be padded?”

“Something like that,” he said.

She reached down and pushed some of his hair off his forehead. Then she leaned down and gave him a soft kiss on his lips. “I’m going to miss you.”

“You’ve missed me for the past four years, Ror. It’s been long enough.”

“Goodbye, Jess. I’ll try to come back soon."

“No you won’t. But it’s okay. I love you anyway.”

Sighing, she walked over to the door. She hesitated with her hand on the doorknob. Don’t turn around, she told herself. It will only make it harder. She finally opened it and stepped out. Closing it behind her, she stopped right in front of it.

The hallway was very busy. Nurses and patients were milling about. Down to the right, Rory spotted a woman and her young daughter sitting down. A doctor was talking to them with a grim expression on his face. Rory’s heart dropped. She couldn’t hear what he was saying but she could only imagine. The two women would be devastated but the doctor would go on with his day like normal. This was routine to him.

It had been routine to the doctor who had told Rory that Jess would probably never wake up. He had said that he was sorry and that if there was anything he could do then let him know. Later on, he had passed Rory crying by the snack machine without saying a word. She knew he had seen her. He didn’t even slow down, just took a sip of his coffee and continued on his way.

[Angeleyez]

A/N: (...still the same chapter and scene...had to break up the chapters again...)


“Hello, Rory. I haven’t seen you in a while.”

Rory turned at the sound of her name. “Hi, Dolly.”

“Come have a cup of coffee with me. I have a few minutes,” she said beckoning with her hand.

“Sure. That sounds good.” Rory walked down the hall with her. Dolly was a nurse at the hospital and had been working there for years. She was the one who four years ago hadn’t ignored Rory’s tears beside the snack machine. She had come right over and put her hand on her arm telling her that she would get through this.

They sat down each with a coffee in hand. Rory stared down at hers and her stomach turned. The coffee here was horrible.

Dolly didn’t say anything at first. Then, “I talk to Carl sometimes. It’s completely normal to do so.”

It was obvious Dolly had heard her speaking to Jess. “Does he ever talk back?”

Dolly laughed. “Sometimes.” Carl had been Dolly’s son.

Wait, had been? Past tense? Was that the tense you were supposed to use when talking about the dead? That had always confused Rory. Being dead didn’t change the fact that Carl’s her son.

Carl is Dolly’s son.

Jess was Rory’s boyfriend. That remained past tense.

“Well, I’m glad I’m not the only crazy one.”

“Honey, everybody’s crazy. Some are better at hiding it than others.”

Rory smiled. “Good point.” She paused. “How’s John?” John was Dolly’s husband. He had a heart condition but Rory couldn’t remember the big medical name for it.

“Not so well. He’s in a room on the second floor,” Dolly answered.

Rory’s stomach began to knot up. That was not what she wanted her to say. She wanted to hear that John was super and that he still painted. He was supposed to be a wonderful artist.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. Suddenly, she didn’t feel so much like talking. “I think I should go.”

“So soon?” Dolly asked surprised.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I don’t like being in hospitals.”

“Alright, then. I’ll see you later”

Rory smiled and said her goodbye. She probably wouldn’t see Dolly again. At least not for a very long time. She began walking down the hall, dodging people in wheelchairs and nurses too busy looking at clipboards to watch where they were going. Rory passed by Jess’s door and almost stopped.

But she didn’t.

Suddenly, it felt like walls were closing in. The smell of antiseptic was strong and her headache felt worse.

Once she hit the outside, she no longer felt like she was suffocating. She headed out of the parking lot as she heard ambulance sirens in the difference. Another life lost, someone else’s life ruined. She walked quickly down the sidewalk. The bus stop was less than a mile away but she found herself wishing for the comfort of her car. Her beloved car, “Bob”, was no longer hers. It would be useless in New York so she had sold it to a caring family a couple of days ago.

Now she walking and had nothing to distract herself. And even though she didn’t want to think about Jess, it was where her mind wandered. She felt like she was betraying him. Being with another guy, possibly loving him. Wait. Wasn’t he the one who had betrayed her? Leaving her all alone and…oh, who was she kidding? It’s not like he had thrown himself in front of the car. He hadn’t done this to her, she was just angry. Anger. Which stage of dealing with death was that?

Death? For god sakes, he wasn’t dead. But then again, after four years, there wasn’t much of a difference between a coma and death.

What was it like to be in a coma anyway? Rory often wondered about it. After Jess’s accident, she had spent many hours researching his condition. The problem was that she had found that anyone who awoken from a coma didn’t remember what it was like.

She vaguely remembered a dream she had where she was unable to move any part of her body. Her eyes wouldn’t even open. She had awoken with a start, shaking. The paralysis had terrified her. What if that was what it was like to be comatose? Hearing everything that is going on around you but not being able to move. Stuck in some weird in-between because the people you loved couldn’t let you go and pull the damn plug. Rory sighed. She hoped it wasn’t like that for him.

Sitting down at the bus stop, she checked her watch. Only five minutes to wait. She had a feeling that this was the last time she was going to do this. Visiting him was so hard. She didn’t like seeing him surrounded by machines. He couldn’t breathe on his own while she could. It was so…wrong.

Talking to him had made her feel better. She was always talking to Jess; the doctor said it was good for him. As if the doctor had any idea. This had been the second time he had talked back. She knew it wasn’t really him but she needed to imagine that he was okay. And that he wasn’t angry that she had finally (well, kind of sort of) moved on. She wasn’t crazy. Just guilty.

The bus pulled up in front of her. She was the only one waiting. Up the steps, pay the fare, go down the aisle. She repeated these instructions to herself. Once she was sitting down she had nothing to do but look out the window. She remembered the good old days where all she needed was a book to occupy her time.

The last time she had read a novel…that had to be four years ago. Sitting at the bus stop in Stars Hollow with the copy of On the Road that Jess had given to her in her lap. That was the day she had gotten the phone call from Lorelai. The day she had gone to the hospital.

That was the day her life ended.

She missed reading almost as much as she missed Jess. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t read. And she had tried. Many times. But reading had been something her and Jess had together. It reminded her so much of him. Now every time she opened a book, she couldn’t concentrate on the words.

Closing her eyes, she leaned back against her seat. Jess was gone. Forever. And she needed to accept that.

Acceptance.

Wasn’t that the final stage?



A/N: More to come...

[Liz]

Oh my god! :mouth drops: That was incredible!!! The way you depicted Rory's emotions and her talk with Jess was heart breaking. This is probably going to become on of my favourite fics.

I can't wait till you continue.

[CoffeeQueen]

Wow! That was soo wonderful! I can already tell that this story is gonna be great! I can't wait for the next chapter! Keep up that amazing work of yours!

[DodgerRory18]

i also cant wait till you continue, so far it's excellent and i am also becoming sad because of the emotions of rory talking about her true love like he is dead...

[Angeleyez]

Disclaimer: I still don’t own Gilmore Girls. But I bought Jess off of eBay. *wink* It’s really amazing what is being auctioned off these days. (The lyrics are from “My Immortal” by Evanescence which I don’t own.)





Chapter Two: The Million Dollar Question





You used to captivate me by your resonating light
But now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me





Back in simpler times, where Rory’s biggest upset was when Luke denied her coffee and her and Jess were happy and both conscious, Rory had a decision to make.



Harvard or Yale.



It was April of her senior year at Chilton and she had received all of her acceptance letters. And were there a lot of them. But only the ones postmarked from New Haven and Boston mattered. It was always between those two, even when Rory hadn’t realized it. Her dream had always been Harvard but somewhere in the back of her mind, Yale had been floating around.



It was often that at night, when she wasn’t off making out with Jess or reading with him, that Rory would sit at the kitchen table with packets of information about both colleges spread out in front of her. A notebook with pages full of pro and con lists would be sitting in the middle.



Rory would be reading and Lorelai would come bounding in and sit down at the table. She wouldn’t say anything but grab a packet herself. She would pretend to read. In reality though, she would actually be staring at Rory with a sad look in her eyes. Then Rory would look up and Lorelai would crack some joke about how poor Rory had to make a decision between two Ivy League schools while others had to choose between what fast food place they wanted to work at. “I wouldn’t want to be you!” Lorelai would tease.



It was times like that that made Rory realize that Yale was the place for her. Yale was as good as Harvard and closer to home. Those were the first reasons on most of her “Pro Yale” lists. She wasn’t ready to leave Stars Hollow yet. Yale would slowly wean her off the small town and her mother.



But as it turns out, it was Jess who made her choose Yale.



She had been thinking about Yale. Teetering on the brink of choosing it. It wasn’t until after she lost her virginity that she actually fell over the edge. She supposed doing a “grownup” thing had led her to make a “grownup” decision.



She had been lying in bed with Jess thinking he was asleep. Her head was resting on his chest and she could hear his heart beat. His arm was wrapped around her and she was tracing lines on it. Right now, everything felt…perfect.



“Are you drawing a picture on my arm?” He asked.



She jumped at the sound of his voice. Thinking he had been asleep and with the silence in the room, she hadn’t expected to hear any noise. “It’s a pony,” she said.



“Oh, boy.”



She laughed and snuggled closer in to him, if that was possible. “I’ve been thinking…” She began.



“About?”



“The future.”



“Oh, God. How far into the future?”



She was tempted to say marriage to freak him out but she decided against it. “College.”



“Oh.” She felt him shift underneath her. They hadn’t really discussed what was going to happen but she knew he didn’t want her to go to Harvard. He would never say that to her face, wouldn’t want to ruin her dream. But he would miss her and let’s face it: long distance relationships, even only a state away, almost never worked out.



“I’m going to go Yale.” She liked the way that sounded. Yale. She was going to Yale. Hi, I’m a student at Yale. She smiled.



“Really?” He unsuccessfully tried to sound unexcited. “And you made this decision yourself?”



“All by myself. No parent, grandparent, or…guy influenced my decision.” That was a lie.



“Good to know.” He leaned down and kissed the top of her head. “So you’ll be staying in Stars Hollow?” He tried to make it a statement but it came out as a question.



“At least until college is over.”



“Let’s not think that far into the future.”



“Okay. Let’s think about today. Right now to be more specific.” She turned and propped herself up on one arm. She leaned over close to his face. “I love you.”



He smiled. She loved his smile; he so rarely did it. “I love you too.” He paused. “You know, I was thinking about going to Harvard.”



Rory fell back down on the bed, giggling.



“Oh, that hurts. Not taking me seriously,” Jess said. “I could get into Harvard.”



Rory continued to laugh until Jess shut her up with his lips.





-*-





The problem is, once everything is perfect there is nowhere to go but down. And down it went about a week later.



It was a simple misunderstanding. A wrong place, wrong time kind of thing. And this small thing led to a huge fight.



Okay, let’s start at the beginning.



Rory was supposed to meet Jess at the gazebo. They weren’t supposed to meet for another fifteen minutes but she was hoping that maybe Jess would get there early too. She had a book with her just in case.



There was a problem though. There was already someone in the gazebo. A rather large someone by the name of Dean. She walked up the stairs. “Hi, Dean.”



He looked up. “Hey, Rory.” He looked a bit upset.



“Are you okay?” She asked sitting down next to him.



“Yeah, I’m fine.”



“That was really unconvincing.”



“Hold on, let me give it another try.” He cleared his throat. “I’m fine.”



Rory stared at him. “What’s the matter?”



“Okay, still didn’t buy it. It’s really no big thing.” He paused. “Lindsay broke up with me.”



Rory should have left right there. She should have said “I’m sorry Dean but there are other fish in the sea.” Yeah, it was lame but in the long run it would have saved people from a lot of heartache.



But no.



She was too damn nice and had to sit down and talk to him. And then of course she had to give him a hug. A pity conversation wasn’t complete without one of those. They slowly pulled away from each other and their faces were only inches apart.



A couple of weeks before, Rory had had a dream about Dean. It had been short and all she could remember when she woke up was that they had been kissing. The dream had stirred up old feelings in her and she had no idea what they meant. She was afraid that she still might have feelings for him. But now right here, Dean was in front of her looking at her lips and she was feeling nothing. Her mind was on someone else.



She started pulling farther away from Dean when she saw him. What a nice ironic twist. Something Rory had been wishing for only minutes earlier had now become something that made her heart drop.



Jess was early.



Rory jumped away from Dean and ran down the steps. Jess had already turned around and had begun walking away.



“Wait, Jess!” She called out as she fell in step beside him. “Jess, come on! It’s not what you think!”



“Oh, it’s not?” He asked.



“Please, let me explain.”



“No need to. I got it.”



“Jess, come on. Would you stop walking?” She ran in front of him and put her arms out in front on her. He walked into her hands and then stopped. “Jess.”



“What?”



“It’s not what you think. Me and Dean… He was just upset and…”



“And you climbed into his lap,” Jess interrupted.



“What? No. No, that is not it. It was just a hug.”



“Your faces looked pretty close.” Jess pushed past Rory and continued walking.



Rory turned. “Would you stay still?” She ran after him once again and stopped in front of him. “Okay, I need to you stop moving and listen to me. Nothing happened. It was just a stupid pity hug.”



“What I saw was not just a hug.”



“Yes, it was! Why are you acting like this?”



“Because my girlfriend was just getting very friendly with her ex. It’s just that…”



“What?”



“What’s to stop you from kissing Dean?”



It was like a knife to the heart. What kind of question that? “What’s stopping me? You! You, my boyfriend! How could you ask me that?”



“You cheated on him with me.”



“Yeah, because I liked you and now I’m with you!”



“How do I know you won’t leave me for Dean? You did it to him.”



Rory was starting to really angry. How could he think she would do that to him? “First, Dean broke up with me. Second, you’re supposed to trust me. We’re supposed to love and trust each other!”



“Rory, I…”



“Wait. How do I know you won’t cheat on me?”



“What?”



“I mean, you’re the hoodlum here. The town rebel. Aren’t you supposed to play girls?”



“Unfair! You’re supposed to…” He stopped.



“Trust you?”



Jess was silent.



“I never cheated on you with Dean. I would never do that to you. But, whatever. I’ll see you later, Jess.” And suddenly she was the one walking away from him.



Those were her last words to him. The last time she saw him conscious. What a great moment they shared. Saying I love you probably would have been better.



That night she sat on the couch staring at the phone and attempting to use her non-existent telepathic ability to make Jess call.



He didn’t.



Several times she turned the phone on and then just as quickly, off. Then she would dial the number before hanging up. This went on for a couple of hours with each time her getting farther in the call. She eventually let it ring once before giving up for good.



One of her biggest regrets in life was not making that phone call. Would talking to him have made any difference? Or would he have cut school to go to Hartford and have gotten hit anyway? Maybe this was all predestined to happen as a punishment for some wrong doing in another life. Or maybe fate was just really screwed up and put Jess in the wrong place at the wrong time. She would never know.





-*-

[Angeleyez]

Rory was outside when the phone call came.



It was the day after the fight and the bus had dropped her off about ten minutes ago. She was sitting on the bench with the book On the Road in her lap. Usually, she would be on her way to Luke’s but Jess was there. She wasn’t sure what she was going to say to him when she saw him so instead, she decided to read and clear her mind.



But that plan wasn’t working so well. Her mind kept wandering back to him and she couldn’t concentrate on the words. After reading a paragraph, she found that she didn’t remember anything. She had been on the same page for the entire ten minutes.



A great distraction then came in the form of her ringing cell phone.



“Hello,” Rory said answering her phone.



“Hey, hun.”



“Hi, Mom.”



“How was school today? Are you drowning in homework?”



There was something wrong. Rory could hear it in her voice. A trace of urgency.



“Mom, what’s wrong?”



“I’m at the hospital.”



Rory tensed at the word. It brought memories of her grandfather lying in a hospital bed, surrounded by machines. For some reason, she could never associate the healing and happiness of birth with the word. To her, it was a synonym for pain and sadness.



“Why are you at the hospital?” Rory asked trying unsuccessfully to hide her panic.



“I’m here with Luke. We’re both fine. Jess…”



A sharp pain went through Rory at his name. “Jess?”



“He had an accident.”



All of her breath left her body.



“Ror, are you still there?”



“What happened?” She asked in a small voice.



“I don’t know all the details.”



“What do you know?”



“There was a car…” Lorelai began.



“He was in a car accident?”



“He was hit by a car.”



An image of a bruised and broken Jess lying in a road flashed through Rory’s mind. She took a deep breath and slowly let it out.



“How bad is it?”



“He’s in surgery right now.”



“That doesn’t answer the question.”



“It’s bad,” Lorelai said in a quiet voice.



“I’m coming down.”



“Sweetie, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”



“I’m coming down,” Rory repeated.



There was silence. Then, “Okay. Maybe you should.” She paused. “I have the jeep.”



“I’ll take the bus.” Rory hung up without saying goodbye.



Her stomach began to knot and a wave of nausea swept over her. The last thing she had eaten was the mysterious looking lunch meat from the Chilton Cafeteria. It had tasted terrible going down and would taste a hundred times worse coming back up.



She began to feel anxious and started wishing for a car. Any car. She wanted to go to the hospital now. When was the next bus? Mentally going through the bus schedule and then checking her watch, she found that she had about forty-five minutes to wait. Forty-five minutes of thinking of Jess, the last time she had talked to him, and how sorry she felt.



A distraction is what she needed. Looking down, she found that her book was still on her lap. Reading. Of course. It would get her mind off of…



Alright, don’t think his name. She opened the book and started flipping through the pages. On the Road was one of her favorite books even though in the beginning she had disliked it. She stopped on a random page and her eyes landed on the reason this was book was dear to her. It was his handwriting squeezed up in the right margin.



I love you, Rory.



This was the book Jess had used to tell her how he felt. After she had seen it, he had said the words out loud. Rory didn’t even question saying it back. She knew how she felt. And usually reading those words made her feel so incredibly happy but today they instead brought another wave of nausea.



Quickly, she turned to another page and tried to read. But the words seemed foreign to her. Last time she checked, this book was in English. Her efforts to concentrate proved to be futile and for the first time ever, she couldn’t read.



She shut the book in frustration and had an urge to throw it but instead put it in her backpack. There was enough time to go home and change but somehow she doubted that she could make it all the way there. Staying here was easier.



Slowly, the time ticked by. She stared into space.





-*-





Ever get that dizzy feeling when you stand up too fast or go someplace crowded and overwhelming? That’s how Rory felt sitting in the hospital room. Her head felt light and she thought that perhaps she was no longer in her body. Can you have an out of body experience while awake? Maybe she was having one of those.



She may have been floating around but at the same time she was trapped in a cheesy soap opera cliché. Sitting there next to Jess with her hand on his, she half expected her mother to come rushing to announce that she was having an affair with Taylor and that Rory was actually adopted. It would fit in perfectly with how surreal this all felt.



It hurt to see him like this. He looked weak and helpless, two characteristics never used before to describe him. Cuts and bruises covered his once flawless face. Those would eventually fade with time.



The next twenty-four hours were crucial. The doctor had said that there was little chance of Jess waking up and that he probably wouldn’t survive the night. Although, how often did Jess listen to authority?



Rory remembered once seeing a special on The Learning Channel about comas. She hadn’t paid much attention because she had been reading at the time. It had never occurred to her that she would ever have to deal with a comatose person. She did remember though that talking to the person was supposed to be helpful.



Her tongue felt heavy in her mouth but she still needed to say it. It would make her feel better, at least a little bit, and who knows? Maybe he could hear her.



She took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I am so, so sorry. For everything. I know you wouldn’t cheat on me, I was just angry that you thought I would do that to you. How could you think I would…” She stopped. Don’t get angry, she ordered herself.



Oh, what did it matter what she said. He could hear her? What a joke. She shifted uncomfortably in her chair and let go of his hand. She left his room and ran into her mother.



“How you holding up, sweetie?” Lorelai asked, putting her hand on Rory’s shoulder.



“I’m fine. Never been better,” Rory replied.



“No you’re not.”



“You’re right, I’m not. I’m hungry. I’m going to go get something to eat.”



“Hun, come sit down and talk to me.”



“After, I get some food.” Rory turned around and walked down the hall. She went around the corner and walked over to the snack machine. Standing in front of it, she realized she didn’t have any money. It didn’t matter. Her appetite had long since disappeared; she just needed to be alone.



Her eyes landed on the chair next to the machine. Sitting down, she put her hands in her face. Then the tears came.





-*-





A month had passed and things were mostly normal if Rory’s daily hospital visits and inability to read weren’t counted. And then there was the town. It felt strange walking around Stars Hollow now. The town looked at her as if any second she would break down and cry. She hated the pity. But the thing she hated most was how no one ever talked about what had happened. It was like Jess had never existed. Alright, so things weren’t so normal.



“Mom?” Rory called out coming out of her room.



“Living room!” Lorelai shouted.



“What are you doing?”



“I’m watching Jeopardy.”



“Why?”



“Because it makes me feel smart.”



“How exactly?” Rory asked sitting down. She turned toward the television. “The contestants are ten years old.”



“Now you’re catching on.”



“Can I talk to you for a second?”



Lorelai muted the television and turned toward her daughter. “What did you want to talk about?”



“College.”



“Oh, the million dollar question. Harvard or Yale.”



“Yeah. I think… I’ve decided on Harvard.”



“Oh, well of course. It is your dream school.” Lorelai was happy for her daughter but at the same time she felt a pang of sadness. Next year, Rory would be living in another state. “And Boston is a great city. Oh, you know what’s in Boston?”



“Paul Revere’s house?”



“Well, yeah that. But here, let me give you a hint: Everybody will know you’re name there.”



“I did not base my decision on the fact that Cheers is located in Boston.”



“Well, of course not. You based it on the fact the Harvard is an excellent school and you’ll get a wonderful education there. Cheers is just a fun bonus.”



Rory rolled her eyes. She was going to miss her mom. But staying in Stars Hollow was not an option. Everywhere she went she was reminded of Jess.



She would be happy at Harvard. And her education there would be as good as the one she would have gotten at Yale, her original choice. No one needed to know that she had actually wanted to go there. Only Jess knew and it wasn’t like he was going to tell anyone.

[CoffeeQueen]

Awww! That was such a great chapter! Gosh, I feel so bad for Rory. Poor Jess. I absolutely love this story, girl! You're doing a great job with it! You've captured the characters very well too! Keep up the amazing work!

[DodgerRory18]

i think you know what im going say can you continue please

[Angeleyez]

Disclaimer: I still don’t own Gilmore Girls. (The lyrics are from “Moving On” by Toya which I don’t own.)


Chapter Three: The Voice On The Other End



God knows it's time for me to move on
I want to feel alive again
I want to be in love again
And no matter how hard I try
I can't erase you from my mind
And I gotta find somebody new



“You know what would be really great right now?” Rory asked.

“The TV remote? Because I’d love to change the channel,” Sam said without looking away from the screen.

“Why don’t you get up and change it?”

“Because that would involve energy. Something I don’t have.”

“Poor you.” She paused. “I wasn’t talking about the remote though. I would absolutely love some coffee right now.”

“How interesting.”

Rory lifted her head off his lap and looked up at her boyfriend. “I would just looove some coffee.”

“Again, very interesting.”

“But we all know how horrible my coffee comes out whenever I try to make it.”

“Well, practice makes perfect.”

“Oh, please make me some. You make yours so very well.” Rory sat up. “Don’t make me beg.”

“I always make it. You do it.”

“I’m prepared to bring out the pouty face.”

“And I’m prepared to close my eyes.”

“You are so very mean.” She stood up and began to walk into the kitchen. “You know, after I make it I am not getting you a cup. Nope none for you. If you want one, you’ll have to get it yourself.”

“Fine, fine,” Sam said still staring at the screen.

Rory’s stomach knotted up as she walked into the kitchen. She needed to not take this personally. He not making her coffee was not a symbol of a failing relationship. It was only that he was tired from work. But it was still strange because he had never refused to make it for her before, even when he had had a raging fever. His overall oddness tonight combined with his recent behavior was enough to leave a bad taste in her mouth.

For the past two weeks, Sam had been Mr. Jumpy who continuously made suspicious phone calls. Although, he had never given the “I’m working late” line, which was the number one sign a man had found a younger and skinnier playmate, the phone calls were sign number two. Recently, whenever she walked in on his conversation he would either hang up immediately, or if he was on the portable, he would scamper out of the room. He wasn’t the most agile and the sight of him running away awkwardly would have been hilarious if it hadn’t made Rory’s stomach do flips.

She didn’t think she could take losing him. It had taken her a year and a half to fall in love with him. They were friends first, study buddies in college, and after they had begun dating, it had taken him only two months to say those three little words. She had said it back immediately, the words had slipped out. And once they were out there she wasn’t going to take them back. But she had finally fallen in love with him. Head over heels, whatever that meant, and she was happy.

And she thought about Jess less too. She had trained her mind to block him out. Although, sometimes a little thing would remind her of him but it wasn’t so bad anymore. After five years, the pain that had once felt everlasting now was only background noise to her. Once in a while though, it would be really serious and she would cry to herself alone, regretting and wishing. But that was happening less and less.

She doubted she would ever love Sam as much as she did Jess. After all, in the word of Friends, Jess was her lobster. Her one and only, and it had taken a coma for her to see that.

Shaking her head as if they would rid her of her thoughts, she began the task of making coffee. She pulled the Bag O’ Coffee, as she liked to call it, out of the cabinet. Opening it up, she discovered something sitting on top of the coffee ground. It didn’t appear to be moving or to be something alive. Bravely, she reached her hand in and pulled the inanimate object out. It was a tiny velvet box. Was it just her or did that look like…

When she popped open the box, everything fell into place. The weird behavior and the secret phone calls, they all made sense. “Oh my god,” Rory whispered. She pulled the ring out of the box and held it up to eye level. She turned around at the sound of his voice.

“I wouldn’t let you make coffee unless I had a really good reason,” He said.

“What is this?”

“It’s a platinum hand engraved vintage antique ring.” He paused. “Yeah, I think I got that right.” He walked to her and bent down on one knee.

“Oh my god,” Rory said again.

He took her hand in his. “Alright I want to do this right. I want this to be really special and very cheesy. Like a scene in a movie. But let’s face it, I completely suck at romance.”

“Yeah, you do,” Rory said laughing.

“Thanks for agreeing.”

“But it’s so cute when you try.”

“Rory, I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I love waking up every morning and seeing you next to me. And then having you push me out of bed demanding coffee. Ror, will you marry me?”

Marriage? Talk about the last thing she expected. For god sakes, she thought he had been cheating on her. And getting married would be so final. It would mean that she would have to forget about Jess. Stop thinking about him and hoping that maybe one day he would wake up. It would mean giving up on him.

But it was time. She needed to stop hoping and wishing for something that wasn’t ever going to happen. It was time to officially move on. She would be happy with Sam; she already was.

“How long did you practice that in the mirror?” She asked.

“Right, make fun of the guy who’s proposing.” He paused. “Ten times.”

She smiled at him. “Well, since you put so much effort into it. Yes.”

“Did you just say yes?”

“I believe I did.”

Sam jumped up and kissed her. He then picked her up.

“Whoa, crazy person. I’m no longer touching the floor,” Rory said.

“Good observation. You know, you’re very light.”

“Why thank you. You know exactly what to say to a girl.”

“And you’re very beautiful.” He began to walk to the bedroom.

“Oh, is it compliment Rory time? Because I love that.”

“Yes it is. Let’s see. You’re a great writer.”

“Thank you.”

Sam entered their bedroom and dropped her on the bed. “And you don’t ramble as much as you used to.”

“Oh, thanks so much,” she said sarcastically. She pulled him down on top of her and kissed him. “You know, I only said yes because of the ring. It’s beautiful.”

“Well, that hurts.” He paused. “That was a joke, right?”

She kissed him again. “Of course. The ring is just a nice bonus.” She lifted her arm in the air and put her ring on behind Sam’s head. “It fits perfectly.” That was good sign.

“I measured your finger while you were sleeping. But the jeweler ordered it in the wrong size…three times. And then he ordered it in the right size but it was the wrong ring. I spent hours on the phone with that guy.”

“Well, at least those odd phone calls are explained.” She put her hand on his cheek. “I love you.” As she stared into his brown eyes, she found herself once again wishing they were a different color. They were a lighter shade than Jess’s but unfortunately it was one of the little things that reminded her of him.

But she wasn’t going to think like that anymore. She was engaged. A bride to be who was currently feeling guilty because of her unresolved feelings towards Jess and her sudden determination to forget about him. As she kissed Sam again, she tried her best to block the guilt and the image of eyes darker than his.


-*-

[Angeleyez]

-*-


The next morning, Rory was lying awake in bed. It was six-thirty and usually a gallon of coffee was needed to wake her up. Then a crowbar had to be used to wedge her out of bed. But this morning was different. She had been awake since four AM and at this point had memorized the look of her ceiling. She almost never had a good night’s sleep but usually it took her forever to drift off to dreamland and then she would never be able to get up. But last night had been the opposite. Damn the Sandman. Wait, did the Sandman make you fall asleep or did he give you dreams once you were asleep? Great, she had now confused herself.

Very quietly as to not wake Sam up, although he would probably sleep through an atomic bomb, Rory slipped out of bed. She grabbed a bathrobe on her way out the room. It was weird to feel so wide awake, yet have no coffee in her system. Last night, she had never gotten that coveted cup. This was because after her acceptance to his proposal they had spent the rest of the night in the bedroom.

Sitting down on the couch, she looked down at her engagement ring. Her feeling of guilt had lessened and she felt happier and even excited at the thought of getting married. She was going to be a bride. Wait until she told her mother. Her mother! She had to call her and tell her the wonderful news.

Technically, she was breaking a Gilmore rule by calling this early but she had to get in the shower soon and wouldn’t have time after that. And of course, she didn’t want to wait.

Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Rory sighed impatiently. If she didn’t answer soon the machine was going to pick up.

“Hello?”

Rory froze at the sound of the voice. It wasn’t her mother. She pulled the phone from her ear and stared at it dumbly. The voice once again said hello but she could barely hear it. She turned off the phone and placed it on the couch next to her before putting her face in her hands. That voice. It was only one word but it had only taken that much for her to recognize his voice. Except for in her head, she hadn’t heard it in five years.

Right after his accident, she had seen him all around town and constantly thought she heard his voice. It was one of the reasons she was so desperate to leave Stars Hollow. Once she had gotten to college, the sightings had lessened and after a couple of months had completely stopped. She didn’t understand why it would suddenly start up again. Jess was in Hartford lying in a hospital bed, not at her house answering the phone.

For a few minutes, Rory stared straight ahead not thinking at all. Then she stood up and took a few deep breaths as she stared at the phone. She then picked it up and began to walk around the room. Once again, she dialed the number.

Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. She would not hear his voice. She would not.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Mom?” She felt a wave of relief wash over her.

“Rory! Hey, it’s early. How are you? How’s work? How’s Sam?” Lorelai asked at warp speed.

“Well, I’m fine. Work is great. And Sam is even better.”

“Even better, huh? And what does that mean?”

Rory was ready to burst out with the news but first she needed to find out if she was hallucinating or if there really was a guy there. “Is Luke there?”

“Luke? Why, did you want to speak to the coffee man?”

“No. Just wondering if you two were having one your ‘sleepovers’.”

“I don’t like how you said the word sleepover. What are you getting at?”

“I’m not getting at everything,” Rory said slyly. “So is he there?”

“Nope, he isn’t.”

“Is there…a guy…there?”

“Are you implying that I am having a secret affair with another diner man? I’m offended. How could you think that?”

Rory laughed. “No, I’m not implying anything. It’s just that I called a few minutes ago.”

“That was you? I thought it was one of those annoying prank callers who want to ask what you’re wearing but chickened out and hung up.”

“It’s not even seven yet. I doubt any teenage perverts are making pranks calls at this time. So that was me. And a guy picked up the phone. Not you, right? I’m not losing my mind?”

Lorelai was silent.

“Oh, so I am losing my mind? Well, I want you to commit me and then I want to be dragged off kicking and screaming. It will be very dramatic.”

Lorelai still said nothing.

“Mom? I was joking. You were so talkative a second ago, which really is unusual at this time of the morning.”

“Yeah, well I was brought coffee early this morning,” Lorelai explained.

“Oh, so there is a guy there. Do tell.”

Lorelai sighed. “Now sweetie, I want you to listen to everything I have to say, okay? No interruptions.”

“What are you talking about? I just want to know who’s there.” Rory began to feel nervous. What was her mother going on about?

“And while you’re allowed to be angry, please don’t yell at me. I’m very fragile.”

“You’re not very fragile. You’re one of the strongest people I know. Now, what are you talking about?”

“No interruptions?” Lorelai asked.

“Fine. Now, talk.”

“Jess is awake.”

[Angeleyez]

All it took was those three little words. Something Rory had been waiting to hear for so long. She often imagined what it would be like to find out he was awake. She had thought about how she would react. At that moment, she couldn’t remember any of those scenarios.

Suddenly, she didn’t think she could stand anymore. She leaned backwards and let herself fall, expecting to land on the couch. Unfortunately, she was no longer in front of it. A large jolt ran up her spine as she hit the floor. She ignored the pain and concentrated on not dropping the phone in her hand. The noise her fall had made had probably woken up the entire building but lucky for her Sam was a sound sleeper.

“He’s awake?” Rory managed to ask.

“Yeah.”

Rory brought her hand to her head. She felt confused. If he was awake, why hadn’t Lorelai called her? “And he’s bringing you coffee?” That wasn’t the question she had meant to ask. She wanted to know how he was and how long he had been awake. And if he had been asking for her. The coffee question had slipped out.

“Yeah.” She paused. “It’s time for the no interruptions part, okay?”

Rory nodded before she remembered that Lorelai couldn’t see her. “Okay.”

“He’s been awake for awhile.”

“Awhile? How longs awhile?”

“Someone can’t follow directions.”

“How long?” Rory asked again beginning to feel a tad angry.

“A little more than eight months.”

Rory probably would have fallen down again if she hadn’t already been sitting on the ground. “What?” She nearly yelled.

“Okay now you let me explain.”

“Explain? He’s been awake for eight months and you don’t call me? What’s going on?”

“Listen, Ror,” Lorelai began in a calming voice. “When he first woke up, we weren’t even sure he was going to make it. I didn’t want to call you and tell you the great news only to have him die on you.”

Rory remained silent. She wasn’t supposed to interrupt and anyway, she was at a loss for words.

“It was a miracle that he even woke up after being unconscious for so long. He had to go through recovery too. It was long and painful. It was hard to watch him go through that.”

“So what you were protecting me?”

“Yes. I guess I was trying to.”

“I’m twenty-two. I don’t need protecting.”

“What if I was to tell you that for the longest time if I was to mention the name Rory to him he would have no idea who I was talking about?” Lorelai asked.

“What?”

“One of the most common side affects, oh listen to me sounding like a professional doctor.”

“Mom, go on.”

“Sorry. Memory loss is one of the most common side affects. We were very lucky that he didn’t have actual brain damage.”

“He couldn’t remember anything?”

“Not until recently. Most of it’s back except for a few holes here and there. They actually have a name for that too. Swiss Cheese Memory.”

“This isn’t funny.”

“I’m being completely serious, that’s what the doctor said.”

“I didn’t mean that. You’re making this into a joke. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me he was awake,” Rory said feeling anger rise inside of her. Jess was awake. Had been awake for several months. Looking down at her engagement ring, she felt a part of her begin to regret her acceptance. Unbelievable. Barely twelve hours after she says yes and she’s already regretting it.

“Sweetie, it’s not like I was planning on never telling you. That’s not it at all. I just wanted…”

“So he’s awake and he’s fine?” Rory interrupted.

“Yes.”

“That’s all I need to know. I have to go get ready for work.” She hung up without waiting for a goodbye. She hated being angry at her mom and she felt slightly bad for hanging up on her. But she hadn’t told her about Jess. The reasons she gave her had made sense though. Seeing Jess with him not knowing who she was would have been hard. But still…

If only she had called Lorelai sooner. If only Sam had waited a couple of more days to propose. If only Jess hadn’t. Her thought stopped there. Hadn’t what? Hadn’t woken up or hadn’t lived? It was true that his death would simplify things. It would most likely give her the closure she so desperately needed. But to actually want that to happen? Rory felt a fresh wave of guilt wash over her. She hated having those horrible thoughts.

“Morning, babe.”

Rory turned at the sound of Sam’s voice. He was in the doorway of the living room standing in his boxers. On any other day she would be rushing over to him but today was different. There was a mix of sadness, guilt, anger, and happiness swirling inside of her. It was too much. She was so sick of emotions. “Morning,” she muttered before getting up to head to the bathroom.

“Are you okay?” He asked concerned.

She stopped in front of him. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

He leaned down to kiss her. She turned her head slightly so his lips would land on her cheek.

“Are you getting in the shower?”

“Yeah.” She brushed past him and walked off to the bathroom. She stopped in the doorway and looked at him. “I’m going to Stars Hollow tonight after work.”

A surprised look appeared on his face. But before he could respond Rory had entered the bathroom and shut the door.


A/N: Alright, before y’all yell at about how Lorelai would never keep that from her, let me explain. I don’t like defending my writing but even I was like, okay, very odd. I wrote it this way because I wanted Jess awake and fully functional. Recovery from a coma, especially one that was so long, takes a long time. It’s also a sad and painful process. I didn’t want to have to write that and again I wanted a healthy Jess. Also, I didn’t want him waking up fresh as a daisy because that does not happen. Oh, and Swiss Cheese Memory is actually a term I found on memory loss website. Go figure.




[My god, this was a long one. I had to break it up into three posts. Sigh.]

[CoffeeQueen]

Wowza! You did a fantastic job with this chapter girl! I love it, I love it, I love it! I can't wait for the next chapter! Keep up the awesome work!

[Alyssa]

Oh god i haven't read an fan fiction I enjoyed that much since I starting reading them 4 years ago!

That is one of the singular best piece of work I have read ever!

I can't want to read more! Please hurry!

My heart is just aching for the next chapter

[Angeleyez]

Shame on me. I completed chapters four and five and posted them on ff.net but not here. Bad me. Thanks for the positive feedback. I'll post chapter four right now and five will be up in a little while.

Disclaimer: I still don’t own Gilmore Girls. But I’m working on it. I do have a plan titled “My Big Evil Plan to Steal Gilmore Girls and then Conquer the World”. Just give me time. (And yes that italicized part in the middle of the chapter is a flashback.)


Chapter Four: The Awkwardness Of It All


I’m lost in a memory of you
And I keep trying to tell myself
That things have changed
That you’re not the same
But what I wouldn’t give
For one more yesterday


Rory saw him from across the room. He didn’t see her at first but she was glad that he didn’t. This way she could stare at him without him noticing. See if he looked any different.

She could only see the left side of his face. It looked the same. How much could a cheek change, anyhow? She began to move farther down the wall hoping to catch more of him. He turned then and spotted her. Did anyone else feel that electricity in the air? It was probably just her.

And then it was like a force drawing her forward. He was getting closer and closer to her yet she could tell he wasn’t moving. She didn’t even recall making her feet walk forward. Perhaps, she was floating.

She was only a couple of feet from him when he suddenly walked forward and closed the distance between them. And he didn’t stop in front of her. He kept moving until his lips were on hers.

Rory shook her head and brought it down on the seat in front of her. She let it rest there while she mentally slapped herself for envisioning that. There was no way in hell that was going to happen. Besides, she had a fiancée.

Another mental slap. That thought came out wrong. She should have considered her fiancée first. He should not be an afterthought. For the entire bus ride she had done nothing but dwell on scenarios of seeing Jess again. Almost none of them were even remotely realistic. She needed to think about something else. How about her fiancée? The man that kept slipping her mind.

It was Wednesday night and she had been a bride to be for a full twenty-four hours. Sitting in the compartment above her was her overnight bag stuffed with enough clothes for a few days. She had no idea how long she would stay. For all she knew, she could be back on a bus in a few hours. Of course she wanted to spend time with her mother. Angry or not. But if things were too weird with Jess…

She had already told her boss that she was taking the next two days off from work but was expected back on Monday. So technically Sunday was her limit.

The heat on the bus started to become unbearable. Weren’t May nights supposed to be cooler than this? Rory leaned her head down on the window and the coolness of the surface felt like heaven against her forehead. She closed her eyes and began to concentrate on non-Jess thoughts when the bus hit a bump. Her head flew upward before landing back hard on the window. She immediately pulled her head away and began to rub the spot where she hit it. She could feel a headache beginning to form and sighed. So far, things were not going well.

The bus slowed and Rory thought about staying right where she was. When it came to a complete stop, a feeling of nervousness swept through her. She began to feel jittery and her legs started shaking. As she stood up, her jelly legs nearly buckled. She reached upward to grab her bag and as she began to walk away, her eyes darted back longingly to her seat. She felt like being anywhere but here.

Off the bus she went with her bag in hand. She was glad that it was night. The darkness was her cover and hopefully no one would notice she was here. She wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone right now.

She passed Luke’s with only a sideway glanced. It looked almost deserted. It was almost closing time and the only sign that it was open were the lights. She hadn’t had coffee since that morning but now fought the urge for some. She had a destination in mind and nothing was going to distract her.

Or so she thought.

It wasn’t until her feet hit the wood that she noticed where she was. Her mind had wandered and she had stopped paying attention. Her feet had brought her here out of old habit. Her mind-set on going home was momentarily sidetracked, as she walked to the middle of the bridge. She sat down allowing her feet to dangle above the water.

At the same time, she both hated and loved this place. It reminded her of Jess and everything they had shared. But shouldn’t that not bother her now? She would be seeing him soon. Her feelings about that confused the hell out of her. Excited and happy, nervous and scared. And then there was that bit of guilt floating around. If it wasn’t about Jess then it was about Sam. It was always there.

It was dark outside, but her eyesight slowly adjusted. Everywhere she looked, she saw a memory. Suddenly, her mind began to wander…

There were footsteps behind her. She turned her head slightly and out of the corner of her eye she saw Jess.

“Hey, Ror,” He said as he lowered himself next to her.

She turned to face him fully to say hello but stopped when she saw he had his hands behind his back. “What do you have?”

“Me? I have nothing.”

“You’re not supposed to lie to your girlfriend. It makes her mad.”

“I may have something.”

“Oh, is it for me?” She asked excitedly.

“Not everything revolves around you.”

“But it’s for me right?”

He rolled his eyes before nodding his head.

“What’s the occasion?”

“Just because,” he answered.

“Just because? You never do a ‘just because’ gift.”

“Well, if I did a just because all the time it wouldn’t be just because anymore. It would be because the girlfriend expects it.”

“Good point. Now hand it over.” She began to pull on his arms.

From behind his back appeared a book. He handed it over to her.

“You put a bow on it?” She took the bow and stuck it on her head.

“Very cute,” he said with his usual smirk.

“On the Road?” She asked surprised.

“You don’t like it?”

“Well, it’s not that. It’s just that you know I’m not a big fan of this book.”

“That’s why I got it for you.”

“You wanted me to not like your gift?”

“No, because now you won’t hate it anymore,” he explained.

“How do you know?”

“I have a feeling.”

“You’re psychic now?”

“Yup. I’ve been studying up on it. Next is telekinesis.”

She opened the book and began flipping through the pages. Jess watched her expectantly. There was a bookmark in the middle of the book and as she came to that page it fell out. She reached down and picked it back up about to place it back in the book when she saw the words.

She looked up at him and he was staring nervously back. “What do you think?” He asked.

She smiled at him. She wanted to hear him say it out loud. And as if he had read her mind he spoke. “I love you, Rory.”

Her smile grew wider. She loved how the words rushed up out her. “I love you too.”

They both leaned forward at the same time and met in the middle.

Her mind snapped out of her little memory just as they kissed. Sighing, she ran her hands threw her hair. She had to make herself understand that it wasn’t going to be like that when she saw him. No “I love you’s” and no kissing. Things were different.

She began to stand up. Her hands were on the bridge pushing her upward when her eyes landed on her engagement ring. When she was fully standing, she took it off of her finger and twirled it in front of her eyes.

As she stared at her ring, confusion again took over her thoughts. It mixed with her headache making her feel like her head would explode at any second. Her heart was telling her to take off the ring. She didn’t have to tell Jess right away. And she would tell him. Eventually. No need for the rock on her finger to do the explaining for her.
But her brain was working pretty well. Telling her that to take off the ring was a betrayal to Sam.

As a compromise, she slipped her ring on her right hand. But unfortunately, it was a rather extravagant ring and it screamed engagement. It just appeared that in a moment of idiocy, she has put it on the wrong hand. Sighing, she tried to block her guilt as she took the ring off and carefully put it in her pocket. That way it was still near her. And she could feel it against her leg through the fabric of her pants. A small reminder of Sam. All she had to do was reach down and she could touch it. No need for the guilt.

She tried to block her thoughts, all of her thoughts, as she headed in the direction of her house. Her confusion partly left her but nervousness reigned supreme in her stomach. Butterflies were fluttering around at top speed and crashing into each other. She didn’t have much in her stomach but it could all come up at any second. She was scared that Jess would be different. Or that he would find her too different. Five years changed things even if one person had happened to be comatose for most of that time. But change could be good. Everybody changed eventually. But the thing that scared her most was that maybe they were too different now. Maybe too much time had passed. Maybe it was too late.


-*-